


hold me

by EJwrites



Series: Tumblr Is A Hellish Landscape Not Fit For Fic Writers [8]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Canon, implied shaysima
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-03 08:45:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10963734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EJwrites/pseuds/EJwrites
Summary: viahuxleystation requested in an ask that I lost  “I’m tired, come to bed and cuddle with me please?”  Seriously I had the whole thing typed out AND I DELETED IT and I’m a little bad at this. :(after getting back from The Island, delphine finds out that cosima has been with shay the whole time she was gone.  they had talked about polyamory and offered it to delphine, but she's reluctant and grumpy.





	hold me

**Author's Note:**

> [Prompt me!!](%E2%80%9Cwww.coshayphinelove.tumblr.com/tagged/prompt-me%22)
> 
>  
> 
> the title could also be me speaking about reading this fic.....

Ever since Delphine had gotten back from that godforsaken island she’d been grumpy and irritable.  Jet lag mixed with physical exhaustion and a complete overhaul of how she lived after a several month long trauma was the cause, and being completely honest Cosima was concerned that she wasn’t more grumpy.  

The whole, “I’ve been dating Shay the whole time you were gone, but we talked about polyamory weeks ago and agreed that when we found you we would talk about it with you,” bomb had been, well a bomb.  Delphine was upset for a while until she came to terms with it being an actual option.  She was still timid about the whole thing, but then again she was timid about everything now.

The fight to get off the island had taken its toll on Delphine’s body.  She’d taken literally everything so that Cosima, Sarah, and especially Charlotte hadn’t had to.  

Timid, grumpy, and sore was a perfect summary of Delphine.

The bruises were still painful for her.  Cosima noticed it in its glaring obviousness as Delphine tried to sit up on the couch.

“Here,” she rushed over and put her hands under Delphine’s arms, giving her something to push down on.

“Merci,” Delphine grunted as she got upright.  She retracted her arms as soon as she was, making it clear that Cosima should do the same.  It still stung a little, but she knew Delphine was still getting used to the idea of being one of two girlfriends.  She had to let her take baby steps.  Teeny, tiny, slow, baby steps.

Cosima looked down to where Delphine’s book had been discarded.  “Getting boring?”

Delphine nodded, “I’m falling asleep.”  She stood up with a little less pain than before, “I’m going to go take a nap.”  She started shuffling towards the bedroom.

“You know,” Cosima trailed after her, “The best way to get over jet lag is to not nap and just jump back into the timezone.”

“It’s not like I have a schedule to get back to,” Delphine grumbled and flopped onto the bed.

Cosima shrugged, “Regardless, it might help… with some things.”   _The irritability, perhaps_  she added to herself.

“The kind of help I need isn’t going to come from a socially acceptable sleep schedule, Cosima,” Delphine said without emotion.

“Fine, whatever,” Cosima said with accidentally too much venom.  She turned to walk out of the room.

“Wait,” Delphine called to her weakly.  

She turned around to see Delphine had sat up.  Her eyes were brimming with tears.

“I’m sorry,” she said with trembling lips.

The sight of an almost crying Delphine apologizing for being rightfully grumpy spurred Cosima to sit on the mattress at her side.  “No, sweetie I’m sorry,” she raised her hand to wipe her cheeks, “I’m just really bad at the,” she gestured feebly in front of her until she found the right word, “nurturing thing.”

“No,” Delphine shook her head away from her hands, “I haven’t been… pleasant since I’ve gotten back… You’re doing so much for me, I should really be nicer.”

“Delphine,” Cosima slid her hands to Delphine’s shoulders, “I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of emotions are going through your brain right now.  If you need to be grumpy or angry or whatever, you can do it at me.  I’m a big girl, I can take it.”

Delphine shook her head again, “That’s not fair.  I shouldn’t yell at you just to yell.  How are we supposed to have a discussion if we’re screaming at each other?”

“You can scream about whatever you’re angry about and then we can talk after you’ve gotten it out of your system.”

Delphine breathed out an aggressive and frustrated sigh, “But I’m mad  _at_ you not just mad.”

Cosima’s body went suddenly cold.  The blood drained from her face and left her with a tingling sensation.  She hadn’t thought of that.  “M-me?  I didn’t think… Well, cuz we’ve been t-talking?  And-”

“I know…  I’m just really confused.”

“About what?  M-maybe I can help?” Cosima suggested.  She knew she looked like a bumbling idiot right now but she also really felt like one.

Delphine shrugged and wrapped her arms around herself.  “I’m mad at you,” she started but seemed unsure of where she was going.

Cosima listened quietly, letting her talk through what she was thinking.

“You got to be happy while I was living,” Delphine shuddered, “I was living in a nightmare.  And you had someone.”  Tears started to leak down her cheeks, “I never have anyone.  I’m always alone!” her voice broke, “It’s not fair!  You had her and she got to be… just your girlfriend!  I never got to be that.”

“Delphine, you were my girlfriend.  I know we never discussed a label, but we were girlfriends.”

“No.  Not… not like her,” she whimpered.

“What does that mean?”  Cosima was really perplexed.  

Delphine shrugged and folded further into herself.  “I don’t know… I was always… something else.  I never wanted to be your doctor or your boss or even work with you.  I just wanted to come home to you and just… be with you.”  She bit her lip and wiped angrily at her eyes.  “It’s not fair,” she repeated.

Cosima sighed.  She hadn’t known that that had bothered her.  Then again, she knew very little about Delphine.

“But I want to be with you.  I love you more than… Than I can even describe.  I want to say yes.”

Cosima grabbed her a few tissues off the nightstand and placed them in her hands.  “Then what’s stopping you?”

“I’m worried I’m just desperate,” she swiped under her eyes with a tissue.  “What if I say yes because I would do anything to be held right now and hate the arrangement in a few months?”

Cosima laughed lightly, despite the heaviness of the room, “Del, sweetie, I can hold you if you want.  It doesn’t mean you’re saying yes to anything.”

Delphine unfolded one arm from around her torso and placed her hand on Cosima’s forearm.  “Will you cuddle with me please?  Just for a while.”

“Of course,” Cosima said with a grin.  She got up and walked around to her side of the bed which until now they’d been sharing in a cuddle-less hell.  After she climbed under the covers Delphine settled her head under Cosima’s chin.  “Mm, platonic cuddles,” Cosima murmured into her hair.

They situated their arms around each other so Delphine’s were draped over Cosima’s side and Cosima’s hands were free to rub circles up and down Delphine’s back.  Cosima pressed a kiss to the top of Delphine’s head.

She sniffled and Cosima could feel her smile against her chest.  “Was that a platonic kiss, then?”

Cosima laughed sarcastically, “Sure.”

Delphine quickly fell into a restful sleep.

It would be okay… Eventually.  It didn’t matter how long it took, Cosima would always be there no matter their relationship status.  They’d been through too much together for something as stupid as dating to separate them.  And they had all the time in the world.


End file.
